The Rant Files
by Phr Lt Nkkd
Summary: WE DID NOT WRITE THIS! We repeat...WE DID NOT WRITE THIS! Alloy and Rei take Kurama, Hiei, Yusuke and Kuwabara and put them on their talk show, Alloy-Rei!
1. Default Chapter

Alloy: Hi guys, and welcome to the show where life's a bitch and so are these sketches!  
  
Rei: Life's a bitch and so are we!  
  
Alloy: So true, so true! Now today, we're gonna be tormenting... Rei, tell the folks in the audience and at home who our victims... i mean ::ehem:: guests...are gonna be today!  
  
Rei: ::Cough:: Today, we welcome Yusuke Urmeshi and company to the show! Let's give a big round of applause for, Kurama, Hiei, Yusuke, and Kuwabara!  
  
::Applause::  
  
Alloy: Today, as always, we're going to be starting the show off with our usual 1.5 minute improvs. Rei, you wanna pair our contestants up for this round?  
  
Rei: Yeah, sure. ::Snickers:: Alright, Kuwabara, I believe the fire demon is waiting for you, Yusuke, you get the fox.  
  
Hiei: -_- I? With him?  
  
Alloy: Yeah, sure! Don't worry it'll all be over with soon enough!  
  
Hiei: But...but... i can't!  
  
Alloy: Aahh, shut your hole short man, we're setting the clock right now.  
  
Rei: Ok, people. Let's get things started! Kuwabara and Hiei, you're first!  
  
Kuwabara:*-_- Uh, uuuhhhh.... Hiei, you start it of and I'll work off of what you do!  
  
Hiei: No way! You start, imbecile!  
  
Kuwabara: oO..Uh, ::Thinks about something Hiei doesn't like:: ::Snaps fingers:: Hey Hiei, has your sister said anything about me lately?  
  
Hiei: HEY BUDDY! ::clutches Kuwabara's shirt:: DONT MAKE ME HURT YOU IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE, YOU KNUCKLE-HEADED SHIT HEAD!  
  
Kuwabara: Well which is it?  
  
Hiei: Oo ::blank stare:: Huh?  
  
Kuwabara: Shit head or Knuckle Head?!  
  
Yusuke: ::To Kurama:: ...is Hiei always like this on television?  
  
Kurama: No, actually. This is his first time. He wouldn't come on the Teletubbies with me as Po.  
  
Yusuke: ::Face fault::  
  
Alloy: And....time! Yusuke and Kurama, you two are up!  
  
Kurama: ::face fault::  
  
Yusuke: ^_^ ::starts hitting Kurama excitedly:: We get to go! C'mon Kurama, it's our turn, let's go! ::after Kurama doesnt move:: Umm... OK!^_^ ::starts dancing like an idiot in the middle of the stage::  
  
Petey Pablo: Take your shirt of, twist it around your head, spin it like a helicopter...  
  
Yusuke: :Takes shirt off and spins it around his head twice before throwing it to the audiance::  
  
Kurama: What the hell?! ::Grabs Yusuke and drags him to the floor:: Your insane! Stripping on live TV?! What has gotten into you?!  
  
Yusuke: Ø_Ø It was only my shirt!  
  
Rei: Erm...*!_! Times up! Even though Yusuke only took his shirt off ::whispers:: dammit ::normal voice:: Let's have the audiance decide!  
  
Alloy: Great idea, Rei! ::mumbles:: even though that's what we always do anyway...::normal voice:: Ok folks! You know what to do! Your voting pads are in the back of the seat in front of you, so go ahead and let us know who you think was funnier! And for you viewers at home, get your lazy asses off the goddamn couch and in the computer chair! the URL is on the screen! Either that, or just reach for the phone and call our hotline, also on the screen! Now let's go to a commercial break before Donnie yells at us again for not cutting in time!  
  
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::Alloy and Rei, conversing:: Alloy: So then he says "I'm expecting more from you!" and... ::Rei elbows Alloy in ribs:: ::Alloy notices red light on camera is on:: Oh, hi! Well now that we're back, let's go on to the next segment of our show, which is... um...uh... Rei? What the hell is the next part of our show?  
  
Rei: ::rolls eyes:: o_O Erm, ::looks from script to cue cards:: Ah! We're doing a thing call, the bachelor. The game where the funny shit matters and the, no that's not right, this game has no points! Steve, stop copying Drew Carey's show! Anyway, Kurama, your the bachelor.  
  
Hiei: ::Snickers:: Your right there...  
  
Alloy: Hey no harrassing the hott contestants! I mean... the sought contestants!  
  
Rei: Ok, the remaining three, please pick a card. ::Holds out three cards::  
  
Kuwabara: SAMARA FROM THE RING  
  
Yusuke: TOMMY FROM THE RUGRATS  
  
Hiei: PREPPY CHEERLEADER  
  
Kurama: REALLY HOTT GUY...  
  
Alloy: Alright! Are we ready?!  
  
::silence from contestants::  
  
Alloy: I'll take that as a "no" but since we've only got 30 fuckin minutes ::mumbles:: damn talent search competition, not like we need any more fuckin teeny boy bands that consume even more of our time by doing TV concert specials and cant even sing... ::normal voice:: we're gonna have to continue anyway!  
  
Rei: Ok everybody, get into the ::ahem:: respected state of mind and you may begin!  
  
Kurama: Bachelor number one, (Yusuke) if you had one day left to live, how would you spend it?  
  
Yusuke: ::Talks in Tommy-ish voice:: I'd wanna go 'splorin' with my diapie and lucky stew driver!  
  
Kurama: *O_O Bachelor number two (Kuwbara) how would you spend your last day of life?  
  
Kuwabara: ::in girly, childish voice:: I'd kill everyone who watched my tape. Unless, of course, they make copies of it and show it to the whole damn world.  
  
Kurama: Gah! Anyway, bachelor number three, how would you spend your last day on Earth?  
  
Hiei: ::Grumbles:: That's alright, that's ok, I won't die anyway! Today, or tomorrow, I will kill Kuwabara!  
  
Kuwabara: Hey!  
  
Hiei: ::Snickers::  
  
Kurama: OK, now bachelor number one. Where would you take me on our first date?  
  
Yusuke: ::Scratches at an invisable diaper rash:: I'd take you 'splorin'! We might ascover buried treasure!  
  
Kurama: Heh heh, yes I see. Number two, on our first date, where would you take me?  
  
Kuwabara: I'd take you to the barn where I sleep. I don't like the barn. The horses keep me up.  
  
Kurama: *-_- Bachelor number three. Same question applies.  
  
Hiei: ::Twirls what bangs he has around a finger, grudgingly of course:: I'd like, take you to like, the hippest nightclub around of course! Everybody's doing it!  
  
Rei: oO...answer me this folks, WHY does Hiei do such a good job at impersonating a preppy cheerleader? ::Snickers::  
  
Hiei: Why you sonuvabitch! ::Lunges at Rei who hides behind Alloy::  
  
Alloy:: Dude! It's our job to humiliate our guests on the show! Chill man!  
  
Hiei: ::backs up:: ::freezes, suddenly thinking of something:: Hey, how come you defended Kurama but made me shuddup?!  
  
Rei: oO  
  
Alloy: That's my damn business, now sit your ass down! My momma didnt name me "Alloy" for nothin you crazy fire demon of a bastard!  
  
Audience: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!! ::random shouts:: BURNED! SHE GOT YOU BAD, MAN! YOU JUST GONNA LET HER TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT?!  
  
Hiei: ::Takes of bandana so Jagan Eye shows:: No I won't! I'll send her to the Shadow Realm!  
  
Kuwabara: ::Whispers in Hiei's ear:: ...wrong show dude.  
  
Hiei: Oh yeah. I'll put you under my control and turn you into a demon!  
  
Yusuke: ::Whispers again:: ...I took the Shadow Sword away, remember?  
  
Hiei: Oh yeah. Damn it! Fine! I'll place you under my control and take over this studio!!  
  
Alloy: You know what? Let's cut to a commercial break to reduce the number of innocent eyes watching what's about to get ugly! Well I know it can't get much uglier than Kuwabara, but you guys know what I mean! We'll be right back!...maybe...  
  
::Random sounds of things blowing up, items crashing against walls, screams, whistles, bangs, booms, other onomonpias, random animalistic noises, teeny bopper destruction, and sword clashes, along with flashes of Spirit Energy and other things::  
  
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::Hiei subdued in a corner::  
  
Rei: And welcome back folks! Sorry we got a bit sidetracked and didn't get to finish the last round, but let's see if Kurama can't figure out what the contenders were with only two clues!  
  
Alloy: Well, gee, Rei! It's not like you asked the audience why Hiei was so good at imulating what his role described! But, in case Kurama didnt hear or has forgotten, i won't say it again. Anyway, let's continue with this round, shall we?  
  
::hoots, hollers, whistels and cheers immerse from audience::  
  
Rei: Ready Kurama? ::Kurama nods:: OK!  
  
Kurama: Bachelor number one, if I was in trouble, what measures would you go to to save me?  
  
Yusuke: ::Still scratching a imaginary diaper rash:: With Reptar by my side, I espects no one to get in my way!  
  
Kurama: ::Raises eyebrow:: Bachelor number two...  
  
Kuwabara: I wouldn't save you. I'd throw a bag over your head and drop you in a well still alive myself.  
  
Kurama: !_! Ø_Ø Someone help me! Bachelor number...oh dear. ::See's Hiei still tied up  
  
Hiei: SDFKJ SDFJHS YSS USDKJF IOWYAQB SDKF SADIFO SHNAS!!  
  
Translation: ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE DAMAGE TO MY NAILS!!  
  
Alloy: Only one more clue, Kurama!  
  
Rei: I know you've got something to say about his answer...  
  
Alloy: Well Donnie's yelled at me for everything I've said so far so I'll leave the rude comments to you.  
  
Rei: ::Snickers:: Oooh, lucky me! GOD DAMN YOU HIEI! DO YOU NOT THINK OF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF?! WHAT THE FUCK POSESSED YOU TO ANSWER, 'ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE DAMAGE TO MY NAILS!!'?!  
  
Alloy: ::grins::  
  
Hiei: ::evil glare:: ::tries to lunge at hosts from corner but Kuwabara holds him back::  
  
Yusuke: ::Smirk:: Wow Kuwabara! You must like your fire demon alot! ::Peace sign:: ::Sparkly eyes:: Ah! True love must be amazing!  
  
Hiei: ASDFLKAJ ASDHAN IASENTB!  
  
Translation: FUCK YOU PRICK!  
  
Rei: ::Snickers:: Yusuke, you went too far. ::Unties Hiei:: ::Studio seems to go up in flames::  
  
Hiei: Smart choice, Hosty!  
  
Kurama: Can i just ask the last two...::ehem:: "dates" the last question and go on to the next round?  
  
Rei: No, let's watch Hiei maim Yusuke, then we go onto the next round! Wadaya say, Alloy?  
  
Alloy: ::looks at Donnie:: If i say "sounds good to me!" are you gonna jump on my ass?  
  
::inaudible-to-most response from Donnie behind camera::  
  
Alloy: Sounds go to me!  
  
Hiei: ::Lunges at Yusuke:: Die you evil ass wipe!  
  
Yusuke: ~_~...I DON'T WIPE ASSES! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT WAS A DARE?!?  
  
All except Yusuke: !!! @_@  
  
Rei: o_O So whose ass was it?!  
  
Yusuke: ::Mumbles something::  
  
Alloy: I'm sorry, what's that Yusuke?!  
  
Kuwabara: ::Snickers:: C'mon Yusuke, whose was it?!?  
  
Yusuke: ...Koenma's...  
  
All: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Rei: ;_;...Yusuke, just when I thought you could sink no lower!!!  
  
Kurama: ::rolls eyes:: can we go on with what's left of this round? I payed good moolah to get on the show!  
  
Alloy: ::under breath:: and I'd pay good money to see you get naked...  
  
Rei: ::Face fault:: ...you do realize...you have a microphone on your...::ahem:: shirt?  
  
Alloy: oO...-_-... Oh well! Yes, Kurama, i think you're hott and want to ask you out tonight after the show!  
  
Kurama: oO...ØØ...sorry, but Hiei's the only man in my life...  
  
Hiei: ::Flushes::  
  
Alloy: YOU'RE G... ::faints::  
  
Rei: ...in the anime world, I believe the correct term is, 'Yaoi'...not gay...unless your using german, in that case it would be...damn I forget but in any case...::looks over at Alloy, and seeing she is still unconscious, flags over on-set Med team::  
  
Kuwabara: Why don't you just leave her where she is? It'd probably save us a whole lot of grief...  
  
Rei: -_-...YOU THINK SHE IS MORE EVIL THAN ME?! ::Voice gets dangerously soft:: ...well than we'll just see...  
  
::Gives Kuwabara booties and a straight jacket. Takes of his pants::  
  
Rei: Now go outside and sing the Barney 'I love you' song fifty times and moon any oncoming cars. Then you can come back in.  
  
Kuwabara: Damn, you are eviler...  
  
Rei: ::evil grin and maniacle laughter::  
  
Kurama: ::irritated:: CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE DAMN GAME?!  
  
Alloy: ::Bats away smelling salt:: Oooh, Kurama wanna pick Hiei to 'marry'?  
  
Kurama: -_-...I hate you  
  
Alloy: ::high on what smelling salt escaped her batting:: WELL I HATE YOU TOO, YOU CRAZY LITTLE FUCK!  
  
Rei: ::Gets high off of sharpies:: ::To self:: Yeah, that's the stuff! Sharpies! ::To people:: Yeah, you crazy fox bastard...oO...hey look at the random item that is arbatrarley spinning around in the sky acting like it's going to kill...me...EEP!!  
  
Kurama: I am not a crazy fox bastard! BOTH my mother and father are dead  
  
Alloy: ::waving fist from lying on the stretcher as she is carried out of the studio:: WELL YOUR A CRAZY LITTLE FUCK EITHER WAY!  
  
Rei: ...and you would know he's a crazy fuck...how?  
  
Alloy: WELL YOU KNOW I COULDNT HAVE HAD SEX WITH HIM CUZ HE'S GAY!....OR YAOI... OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANNA CALL IT!  
  
Rei and Kurama: oO...  
  
Rei: Um, I didn't want to know that but for insanity's sake, LET'S GET ON WITH THE FUCKING SHOW!  
  
Alloy: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE FUCKING COMMERCIAL BREAK YOU FUCKING FUCK!  
  
Rei: ;_; WAHHHHH! I HAVE A WEDGIE SO LET'S GO TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
  
All: ::Anime fall:: oO  
  
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Alloy: ::Camera on Alloy in studio medical room:: OK well I refused to let them make me shuddup (ya know, no wonder i got detention every other day back in middle and high school...) so here i am, helping Rei host from the studio's medical room. But since i've said all it says for me to say on the teleprompter, i'm gonna pass it over to Rei!  
  
Rei: Hey guys! Wow, we've come through this erm, exciting game with hardly a scratch! With the exception of Alloy of course! (Alloy: -_-*) Anyway, let's get onto our next game!  
  
Kurama: But we didn't finish the last one!  
  
Rei: Hey look, buddy! Call me when you get your own TV show and run on someone else's schedule!  
  
Alloy: YOU DONT RUN THIS DAMN SHOW REI! IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME ::camera goes back to Rei:: HEY I'M NOT DONE YET!  
  
Rei: ::Gives Yusuke some sleeping drugs and he puts them in Alloy's I.V. bag:: ...That might shut her up for a bit...our next game involves only Yusuke and Hiei.  
  
Alloy: ::as sleeping drugs go through I.V.:: NO DRUG'S GONNA PUT ME TO ::snore snore::  
  
Rei: ::Sweatdrop:: Riight, anywho, Yusuke, Hiei, you two are going to ::ahem:: sing a song about something the audiance chooses...::To self:: Kami help us all...  
  
Alloy: ::cameramen moving Alloy's lips, holding open her eyelids and speaking for her:: OK audience, now it's... ::squinting to read telepromptor:: time.. to... shoose? oh choose! a song for our guests to sing!  
  
Audience: THE LOSER ANTHEM!!  
  
Hiei: ...isn't that an American song?  
  
Rei: -_-...and what's wrong with the American band Good Charlotte?  
  
Hiei: ...Americans are weird...  
  
Rei: I'M AMERICAN!  
  
Hiei: Point proved...  
  
Alloy: ::Still sleeping:: GET ON WITH THE DAMN SONG!  
  
::Music plays::  
  
Yusuke: It's a new day but it all feels old it's a good life that's what i'm told but everything, it all just feels the same  
  
Hiei: At my high school it felt more to me like a jail cell a penitentiary My time spent there, it only made me sick  
  
Both: And i dont ever wanna bve like you i dont wanna do the things you do And i dont wanna say the words you say And i dont ever wanna I dont ever wanna be  
  
You don't wanna be just like you Cuz what i'm hearin is  
  
Alloy: DAMMIT! IT'S ONE THING IF YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR FUCKIN MUSIC BUT IT'S ANOTHER TO INSULT IT THE WAY YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN FOR THE PASSED FOUR VERSES! NOW READ THE GODDAMN TELEPROMPTER AND STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING DISGRACE! ::goes back to sleep::  
  
Rei: *~_~...well that was certainly different.Erm, due to the lack of enthusiasm and support we have from the audiance and our contestents, I think we're just going to stop it here. Besides, Kuwabara should be getting back any moment now...  
  
::Kuwabara runs in still wearing the straight jacket and booties with no pants with two guys in white jackets, pants, and hats run after him with nets::  
  
Hiei: He's finally getting what he deserves...  
  
Kurama: Don't be so hard on the boy. After all, we all know he has no one at home upstairs...  
  
Kuwabara: ^_^  
  
Alloy: ::wakes up temporarily:: alert the media, i think we've finally found someone more dense than our lil "preppy cheerleader"... ::goes back to sleep::  
  
Rei: Niice...Uh oh...AIIEEEE!!! HIEI IM SORRY! DONT KILL ME RIGHT--::looks around. Hiei's still standing by Kurama:: YET...ah never mind....  
  
Kuwabara: ::raises eyebrow:: -_- THAT WASN'T NICE!  
  
Rei: a lil late there, arent we?  
  
Yusuke: Just a bit...hey! Chicken!!  
  
Everyone on stage: ::look at refreshment table:: ::busy murmuring:: OoOo, look at all that food! Looks good...you know... ::everything said blends in with everything else said::  
  
Rei: OK well while our FUCKIN SLOW SECURITY GUARDS get their fat asses over here, let's cut to a commercial break, shall we? Meanwhile, i'll try to get these damn people OFF MY FOOD!  
  
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Rei: ::Wipes forhead:: Whew! End of ... first chapter I guess. How you like?  
  
Alloy: Why did i have to get sent to the med room? And about my close-ups? There need to be more of them! And I DO NOT want ANY more GAY people on my show, anime, human, animal, divine, devil from hell, NO ONE IN MY STORIES OR ON MY SHOWS CAN BE GAY OR BI OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN STRAIGHT!  
  
Rei: First of all, have a nice rant? Second of all, what about that time in second grade when you kissed Ashley-  
  
Alloy: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!  
  
Rei: ...oO when did it become YOUR show??  
  
Alloy: Um, about 79 words ago...Rei?  
  
Rei: ::Spaced out:: ::Looking afraid::  
  
Alloy: What? What is it?  
  
Rei: ITS THE ATTACK OF THE GOD DAMN COMMERCIAL BREAKS FROM HELL!  
  
Alloy: o_O  
  
::Scary music:: DUN DUN DUN!!!  
  
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	2. Well, Here Comes Some More Stuff!

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Rei: Welcome back to, The Rant Files!! Hope you missed us as much as we missed you!!  
  
Alloy: Ah, I see you're back for another chapter of sheer hell and...hopefully some laughs. I know I'm dyin over here just havin a face like Rei's to look at! ::Gets eveil glare from Rei::  
  
Rei: How nice to have her for a co-worker, eh? Back to the subject...::Looks at cue cards:: I'm lost. STEVE! Didn't you say we were back for another round of torturing the YYH dudes? ::To self:: Or at least the hot ones...  
  
Alloy: Rookie mistake to talk to yourself on television...with a mic on your shirt. I, of course, have already learned from experience!  
  
Rei: Smart-ass. Anywho, ::Dreamy look:: Hey assholes! I am from Holland, isn't that veird?! Aha ha ha! ::Clear look:: ...where are the victims?  
  
Alloy: BRING OUT... THE VICTIMS! ::Hiei, Kurama, Kuwabara, and Yusuke walk out from backstage area, chained, shackled and handcuffed.::  
  
Rei: ::Turns off mic:: ::Tells Alloy to do the same:: ::Mumbles:: Betcha Hiei and Kurama are havin some major fun in their condition!  
  
Alloy: ::Snickers:: ::Turns mic back on::  
  
Rei: So Alloy, you feelin' any better from last time's little... ::Ahem:: incident?  
  
Alloy: Ah, yeah I'll live. It's just a broken splien and some fractured brain cells, so yeah...  
  
Kuwabara: ::To Yusuke:: What brain cells?  
  
Kurama: ::To Hiei:: ...how can you fracture brain cells?  
  
Hiei: ::Shrugs::  
  
Kurama: Was that a shrug?  
  
Hiei: ::Nods::  
  
Kurama: Oh, ok. Couldnt really tell with those damn shackles and chain and shit.  
  
Yusuke: GET US OUTTA THIS GOD FORSAKEN HELL!  
  
Rei: ::Blinks:: ::Corner of mouth twitches:: ...hell? Yes. ...God forsaken. No. You have two gods here in this studio.  
  
Alloy: First of all, y'all are the ones that paid your own damn money to be honered in our presence. Second of all, Rei and I are the two Gods of the studio, so it's certainly not God-forsaken.  
  
Yusuke: You have us frickin' chained, shackled, and cuffed! What do you want us to do? You've done everything to us in the book!  
  
Rei: No, not really. None of you have been raped, physically damaged, mentally scarred, eaten asparagus, brussle sprouts, or carrots, and I don't think one of you has had a kitchen sink dropped on your foot yet!  
  
Kurama: I don't really mind carrots...  
  
Hiei: Shut up!  
  
Yusuke: What if I showed you evidence of bruises from these damn shackles? And my mother was soooo frickin' worried about me yesterday from seein how mentally scarred for life this show had left me, I had to fight her to let me come back!  
  
Alloy: First off, why the hell would you fight your own mother? Second of all, why would you be trying to escape our powerful grasp if you were "fighting" your mother to let you come back? And third of all, you have no evidence we ordered the cuffs to be put on you. Therefore, none of your arguements are really valid. Any more quesitons?  
  
Kuwabara: Yeah, since when did you get into all this technical mumbo-jumbo and being all literall?  
  
Rei: ::Raises eyebrow:: Who, Alloy? She's always been like that. Especially around bums.  
  
Alloy: Ever since my dad bought me that damn set of School House Jam tapes and CDs in elementary school, I've been using words I didn't even know I knew. How the fuck it's possible, I have no frickin' idea.  
  
Hiei: Neither do we, but some of us do want to go home. Let us go or I'll be forced to kill you both...  
  
Alloy: Here I go, making another list. First of all, you'd get sued for killing us, and God knows all four of you combined couldn't afford what we're worth. Not only that, but... oOoOoOoOo big bad tough guy threatening to kill me...::Rolls eyes:: and last, if we're going to let you go, you're gonna need to give us good reason to.  
  
Kurama: I have an upcoming test in History that I need to study for.  
  
Hiei: Koenma needs me to play messanger boy again.  
  
Yusuke: I need to go train with Genkai.  
  
Kuwabara: ...  
  
Alloy: ::Looks at Rei:: Should we let 'em go? I say "yes" to all. Ordinarily I'd say Kuwabara stays here but he's too hard on the eyes to keep around.  
  
Rei: ...since when did Hiei play messanger boy for a toddler? As short as he is, Koenma's half his size!! Kuwabara stay's because he hasn't given us a reason...  
  
Alloy: ::Sigh:: OK, we'll keep Kuwabara if we must-_-.  
  
Rei: Of course, without human subjects, where would our show be?  
  
Alloy: Ya' know, Rei? You bring up a good point.  
  
All: Kami help us!!  
  
Alloy: Yeah, I know. But it's true. Without human subjects, it's pointless! I mean,this show would be nowhere if it weren't for our little guenia pigs! You know what folks? Let's have a round of applause for those who were willing to take a chance an go through with all our ingenius plans, plots, and schemes!  
  
::Aplause::  
  
All From Urameshi Team: WILLING?!?!  
  
Rei: *-_- Anywho...erm Alloy, let's begin today's sketches shall we?  
  
Alloy: ::Whining:: Nooo! I'm having fun watching guys chained and shackled...and two of them seem to be enjoying themselves...c'mon!  
  
Kurama and Hiei: ::Whistle and look innocent::  
  
Rei: Ugh...  
  
Alloy: ::Sigh:: But if we must. How are we gonna start today?  
  
Rei: ::Shrug:: ::Deep brooding voice:: I'm gonna start by taking over this studio! Muhaha!  
  
All: oO*  
  
Rei: ***...anyone know I was schitzophrenic?  
  
Kuwabara: ...first insane now schitzo?!  
  
Rei: Watch it buddy! Actually...I do take that as a compliment but I'm going to act like it's an insult...you little demon fucker...  
  
Alloy: Yeah, last time someone called her normal, she put her in the hospital for two months.  
  
Tèa: ...was it only two? @_@ ::Passes out again::  
  
Alloy: I dunno...Rei?  
  
Rei: ::Foaming at the mouth::  
  
All: Eep!  
  
Alloy: ...let's get back on track...Kurama, Yusuke, get over on the other side of the studio with Kuwabara. Hiei, stand in front of the screen...  
  
Rei: ::Snicker::  
  
Alloy: This is gonna be interesting... ::Attempts Rei's evil snicker, which sounds weak::  
  
Hiei: ::Realizes he has been magically unshackled:: ::Goes for Katana:: Die!!  
  
Alloy: oO  
  
Yusuke: Hiei! Stop! ::Hiei slows to a stop:: Let's see what they have for us first.  
  
Alloy: Smart kid, Rei, you wanna explain the next round?  
  
Rei: Sure...Okay, here's the poop. Hiei is a weatherman and Kuwabara is the sports dude. Yusuke with Kurama are the anchormen. You have to make up news topics to...Gundam Wing! ::Evil laugh:: Oh shit...  
  
Hiei: ::To Alloy:: Does she always do that?  
  
Alloy: Better believe it and get used to it, bub.  
  
Hiei: Damn  
  
Yusuke: ::Triumphantly:: Ha! Easy enough!  
  
Kurama: ...what's Gundam Wing?  
  
All: @_@ ::Fall over::  
  
::Donnie shows Kurama the entire series in a matter of minutes::  
  
Alloy: Get it?  
  
Kurama: ::Gulps and nods::  
  
Rei: Good! Donnie, ready? Set? Action!  
  
::Random person in the audiance stands up::  
  
Random Person: Hello and welcome to Makai's own, Spirit Four! ::Sit's down::  
  
Alloy: Did you pay him to do that?  
  
Rei: ...no did you?  
  
Alloy: No...  
  
Both: Then who did?  
  
::Suspensful music then silence::  
  
Yusuke: That was akward...  
  
Kuwabara: No kidding. I have the tickle feeling again. ::Shudders::  
  
Hiei: ::Snicker:: You mean the feeling you get when you hug a bear?  
  
Kuwabara: Hey Pimple Eye, who gave you permission to tread on my personal preferances??  
  
Hiei: Hey! Who are you callin' 'Pimple Eye'?!  
  
Kurama: I do believe he was talking to--  
  
| **C** | |**O** | | **M** | | **M** | | **E** | | **R** | | **C** | | **I** | |**A** | | **L** |  
  
Random Person Two: We intterupt this completely pointless game to bring you this special bulletin from Koenma!  
  
Koenma Puppet: Yeah, we don't actually have a special bulletin, I'm just a bitchy little attention-grabber with no dick!  
  
Koenma: ::Pushes puppet out of the way:: Damn it Ogre! Stop getting in my business! Yusuke! Kurama! Kuwabara! Hiei! You're needed!  
  
Rei: ::Shoves Koenma aside:: You're using up our time buddy...go away!  
  
Koenma: But I!...  
  
Rei: Anyway...  
  
Alloy: Mhm...diaper boy, go get the Ogre to wipe your ass this time.  
  
Urameshi Team: *...*...*...*...@@  
  
Alloy: So are we ready to start this next round!?  
  
Audience: Let's go already!  
  
Rei: Alright, alright. Keep your pants on!  
  
Random Person Three: ::Throws pants to Rei::  
  
Rei: *-_- I said keep 'em on...I have pants of my own thank you  
  
Random Person Three: Oh damn...::Sits back down::  
  
Alloy: oO Why is it you always get the clothes thrown at you?! I mean, we've been doing this show for however long and you have had fifteen pairs of pants, seventeen shirts, five bras, and nine pairs of underwear thrown at you!  
  
All except Rei: o_O  
  
Rei: ^__^  
  
Alloy: No wait...I didn't count the jackets, sweatshirts, shoes and socks...  
  
Yusuke: Jealous?  
  
Alloy: ::Looks down:: Of course not! ::To self:: I mean, just becuase she get all the clothes doesn't mean anything!  
  
Randome Person Four: ::Pulls cord above head:: Here are your damn clothes!  
  
::Trapdoor opens above Alloy:: ::Two hundred pounds of clothes are dropped on her head, burying her::  
  
Kuwabara: ::Pokes pile:: Is the pretty girl dead?  
  
::Pile twitches::  
  
Rei: Erm, while my friend tries to her out of her dirty clothes grave...we'll just get on with the G-Wing Spirit Four!  
  
Kurama: Do I have to be anchorman?  
  
Rei: Would you rather be anchorwoman?  
  
Kurama: ...  
  
Hiei: That is quite the gay title  
  
Kuwabara: Ya think?  
  
Alloy: ::Astro projection:: Wow! This Sheep Talisman does come in handy! Anyway, well considering the fact REI made it up...  
  
Rei: Very funny -_-  
  
Alloy: I know ^_^  
  
Yusuke: ::Trying to sneak out:: ::Reaches door:: You'll never take me alive! ::Run's out only to bumb into Tohru our -ahem- lovely bouncer::  
  
Tohru: ::Bouncing:: Caught him,. Rei-sensei  
  
Alloy: Since when is Rei a sensei?! Tohru, get these clothes off of me! ::Disappears::  
  
::Tohru frees Rei and throws clothes to random people in the audience::  
  
Alloy: ::Sits up:: ::Spits out dirty gym socks:: I am going to KILL Random Person Four!!  
  
Rei: *-_- Oh leave it be. Here's the game.  
  
::Music plays in the backround somewhere::  
  
Kurama: ::Fake cheesy smile:: Good evening and welcome to Spirit Four.  
  
Yusuke: ::Equally cheesy smile:: Yes well, our top story today: Relena Peacecraft has dumped Heero Yuy!  
  
Kurama: Yes. The Sanc Kingdom has ever so kindly loaned us the footage. Let's go to the video, Donnie!  
  
::Hiei dressed up like Heero, Kuwabara as Relena and Random Person Five::  
  
Kuwabara/Relena: I wish there was someway to get cloers to Heero!  
  
Random Person Five: Push him away once! I know a great line!!  
  
::Walks up to now Heero, Hiei::  
  
Kuwabara/Relena: It's over Heero!!  
  
Hiei/Heero: ::Narrow Eyes:: ::Sign flashes 'OBEDIANT HEERO':: Roger! ::Walks away::  
  
Kuwabara/Relena: ::Face-fault:: ::Teary eyed::  
  
::Camera goes back to studio::  
  
Yusuke: ...  
  
Kurama: @@ Well! What a way to get dumped! In other news...  
  
::Giant Gundam foot breaks through roof of studio::  
  
Alloy: Oy! That the hell d'ya think your doing?!  
  
Duo: ::Jumps down from Deathscythe Hell:: Hell? Yes. Think? No. Everyone meet Deathscythe Hell!  
  
Donnie:: Ruffling through script:: THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT!!  
  
::Crickets::  
  
Duo: **  
  
Rei: Get outta our studio!  
  
Duo: ::Raises eyebrow:: Me? Leave? Wadaya gonna do little girl?  
  
Urameshi Team: ::Look at Rei and Alloy:: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!  
  
::Gundam self-destructs::  
  
Duo: ::Face-fault:: How?! I couldn't get him to self-destruct manually! How did you--  
  
Alloy: You talk too much ::Duo disappears::  
  
Rei: ...never piss off Alloy  
  
Alloy: Okay! Let's move on!  
  
All: o.O  
  
Alloy: WHAT???  
  
| **C** | |**O** | | **M** | | **M** | | **E** | | **R** | | **C** | | **I** | |**A** | | **L** |  
  
Rei: Due to Alloy's mental illness, we will end it here for now. Hope you liked!  
  
Alloy: -__-..Rei?  
  
Rei: Yes?  
  
Alloy: YOU ARE SOOOOO DEAD!!! 


End file.
